Finding Gratitude In Darkness
Gratitude is one of the most powerful habits you can introduce into your life, yet when you first begin, it often feels forced or insincere. That raises an honest question. If it feels that way at the start, why is gratitude so widely recommended?
To answer that, we need to be clear about what gratitude actually is. Gratitude is the recognition and appreciation of what we have, no matter how small. That definition sounds simple until life becomes heavy.
When I was moving through one of the darkest periods of my life, gratitude felt almost unreachable. There were things I could logically identify as blessings, but logic did not translate into felt appreciation. Carrying the weight of everything I was going through made gratitude feel distant, even impossible at times.
There is a part of the brain called the reticular activating system, or RAS. Its role is to filter reality, deciding what the mind highlights and what it ignores. The brain cannot process everything, so it prioritizes what it believes is most important. Repetition and emotional charge train this system over time.
During periods of stress, grief, or trauma, the RAS becomes conditioned to scan for threat and confirmation of pain. This is not a flaw. It is a protective response. Gratitude introduces new data into this system. When practiced consistently, it teaches the brain that safety, support, and stability are also relevant. Pain does not disappear, but the field of awareness widens.
This is why gratitude must be practiced honestly. It cannot be used to bypass pain or force positivity. Wholeness comes from integrating both the good and the bad, not pretending one cancels out the other. Gratitude becomes a foundation that helps hold us steady as we move through healing and process the experiences that shaped us.
For me, after doing shadow work or sitting with something painful that needed to be processed, I would set a timer for five minutes and focus only on gratitude. That may sound like a long time, but gratitude does not need to be dramatic. It can be as simple as shelter, working plumbing, or the fact that you made it through another day. The more you search, the more you find.
Gratitude is not reserved for hard seasons alone. It is a way of living. When integrated into daily life, it cultivates self trust. Gratitude does not mean settling. It becomes the ground from which ambition and values grow. It strengthens resilience and deepens our relationship with life itself.
If gratitude feels distant right now, you are not behind. You are strengthening a muscle that has been strained by life or weakened through neglect. With practice, consistency, and perseverance, that muscle grows. Over time, peace becomes more accessible even when circumstances remain challenging.
One of the most difficult and most important places to practice gratitude is toward yourself. When we find gratitude for who we are, we begin making peace with every version of ourselves that came before. This is where compassion deepens and healing stabilizes.
With love and gratitude,
Ad Luchem
